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The Homo-Eroticism of John Mayer

As with all artists, John Mayer’s new release “BattleStudies” has been accompanied with the standard media blitz to promote album sales.  As a long time fan of John’s music (I own all his albums) and talent, this most recent media push has me unusually preoccupied with all things John Mayer to the point that I feel like I have developed a semi-homoerotic obession. I am in awe of his guitar playing abilities, the quick wit of his tweets, the vulnerability in his songwriting, and his playboy image-seriously if I was a white guy I think I would want to be John Mayer!  I am even watching his VH1 Storytellers performance as I speak, and this coincides with an article of his I read in Rolling Stone yesterday!
More on this later.
This obsession, which for the sake of this blog I will call “JohnMayerism”, has inadvertedly made me aware of a subtle cultural homo-phobia to Mr Mayer. I have to come to realize that I don’t know any other men who make the claim that they are fans of John’s music. At least not any who would admit to it openly, and any man you happen to see at a John Mayer concert is invariably going to use his girlfriend or spouse as his alibi.
Whenever you see his performances they are usually dominated by female fans in the audience. Now, I understand that most of this is fashioned to portray a certain image, but I don’t even know any men on the street who claim John Mayer fandom!
I find it hard to believe (partly for my own selfish reasons so that I don’t have to believe that I am the only guy who actually likes his music) that there are no red blooded heterosexual males out there that are John Mayer fans. No, I am more inclined to believe that they are all in the proverbial “closet” just dying to be outed, secretly hiding their copy of “BattleStudies” in the glove compartment of their cars like a secret porn collection that is hidden behind the entertainment center.
I can also understand why.
I was in Barnes and Nobles yesterday reading that Rolling Stone issue with John on the cover that I mentioned earlier.
As comfortable as I am in my own sexuality, I could just not bear to purchase the magazine because they had John on the cover looking like this particular issue was a copy of “Out” instead of “Rolling Stone”. Don’t act like you don’t know what “Out” is. “Out” is that magazine in bookstores like Barnes and Nobles that cater to men and women who live an “alternate lifestyle”. I am just not afraid to admit knowledge of its existence.

Unless you adhere to said lifestyle that “Out” promotes, then heterosexual men steer clear from that magazine section as if just by touching it one would procure some transmittable form of gayness that would instantaneously turn you into Richard Simmons, complete with a nut hugging leotard.

As I held the magazine in my hand, my “JohnMayerism” spiralling me out of control, I could not shake the uneasy feeling that I had, quite like the one I experienced the time I saw a George Michael look alike, soul patch, nipple rings and all, staring at me as I exited the gym shower room after a hard workout. The type of feeling I am sure that women get when they are trying to work out and there is some creep leering at you from the machine next to you. The type of look which makes “ladies only” gyms highly profitable and necessary.
You can see for yourself here:
Is this the reason why there are no other men out there openly admitting their appreciation for John Mayer?  I would dare to say so.
All I can say is come out of the closet. Like all things,  the truth will set you free,  and I won’t have to feel “Perfectly Lonely” as John laments about on his latest cd. Now, back to that episode of Vh1 Storytellers.


About Joseph

natty dread bastard child of the first world. something like a literary trap beat.


4 thoughts on “The Homo-Eroticism of John Mayer

  1. Really enjoyed the blog Joe. Keep up the good work.

    Posted by mickeys4life | February 6, 2010, 6:51 AM
  2. Okay Joe, his recent Playboy stupidity notwithstanding, I have thought for a long time that John Mayer is a douche. A talented douche, but one of those guys that it seems has been corrupted by fame and bought into his own hype.

    Posted by stillives | February 11, 2010, 12:39 PM
    • Opinions vary but I appreciate you taking the time out to read my blog. I am huge fan of his music and his guitar playing ability. I also appreciate his flippant, tongue in cheek humor but probably because it matches my own. Not that I think I am humorous I just appreciate his because I see it in myself. Maybe I am a douche too?
      Either way, I hope you keep on reading what I have to say and keep coming with the comments. Much Thanks.

      Posted by josephboston | February 16, 2010, 6:07 PM
  3. Yo Joe,

    Your funny. I wish I knew anything at all about John Mayer. I do know that I should not grow a soul patch, tat myself and carry a guitar into bed.

    Posted by Matt | April 10, 2010, 10:19 AM

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